Introduction
In the field of counselling, self-awareness and personal development are fundamental to effective practice. As a student of counselling, reflecting on one’s own behaviours, attitudes, and emotional responses is crucial for enhancing therapeutic relationships and professional competence. This essay critically examines the usefulness and potential hindrances of personal behaviours in the context of counselling, focusing on self-awareness, emotional regulation, and communication skills. By exploring these elements, I aim to identify areas of strength and limitation, and where necessary, propose alternative behaviours to improve my ‘way of being’—a concept rooted in person-centred therapy that encapsulates authenticity, empathy, and congruence (Rogers, 1961). The discussion will draw on academic literature to support arguments and will conclude with reflections on how such changes can contribute to my development as a future counsellor.
Self-Awareness: A Foundation for Growth
Self-awareness is often described as the cornerstone of effective counselling practice. It refers to the ability to recognise one’s emotions, biases, and triggers, and understand how these influence interactions with clients (Skovholt and Rønnestad, 2003). As a student, I have found self-awareness to be immensely useful in identifying areas where personal experiences might resonate with or conflict with a client’s narrative. For instance, reflecting on my own challenges with anxiety has helped me empathise with clients who present similar issues. However, this can also be a hindrance if not managed appropriately. There is a risk of over-identification, where personal feelings may cloud professional judgement, potentially leading to countertransference (Hayes, 2004).
To address this hindrance, an alternative behaviour I could adopt is regular engagement in reflective journaling combined with supervision. Journaling allows for structured self-reflection, helping me process emotions and separate personal experiences from professional responsibilities. Supervision, meanwhile, provides an external perspective to challenge biases and ensure ethical practice (BACP, 2018). By integrating these practices, I can maintain the benefits of self-awareness while minimising its potential drawbacks, thereby enhancing my way of being as a congruent and grounded practitioner.
Emotional Regulation: Balancing Empathy and Professionalism
Emotional regulation is another critical behaviour in counselling, as it enables practitioners to manage their emotional responses during sessions, ensuring they remain present and supportive for the client (Greenberg, 2002). I generally find this skill useful, as it helps me maintain composure when faced with distressing client narratives, such as stories of trauma or loss. For example, during a role-play exercise in training, I was able to stay calm and focused despite the intensity of the scenario, which allowed me to provide empathetic responses without becoming overwhelmed.
Nevertheless, there are moments where emotional regulation can hinder my effectiveness. On occasions where I suppress emotions too rigidly to appear professional, I risk coming across as detached or lacking genuineness—an essential component of the therapeutic alliance (Rogers, 1961). To counteract this, I could adopt the alternative behaviour of mindful emotional expression, where I acknowledge my feelings in a controlled manner during reflection or supervision, rather than bottling them up. This approach, supported by mindfulness-based techniques, can help me remain authentic without compromising professionalism (Kabat-Zinn, 1994). By refining my emotional regulation in this way, I can better embody the empathetic presence necessary for effective counselling.
Communication Skills: Bridging Understanding and Misunderstanding
Effective communication, encompassing both verbal and non-verbal skills, is vital in counselling to foster trust and facilitate client exploration (Egan, 2014). As a student, I have developed active listening skills, such as paraphrasing and summarising, which have proven useful in demonstrating to clients that their concerns are understood. For instance, during a peer counselling exercise, my use of reflective statements helped my partner feel validated and encouraged deeper disclosure. This skill directly enhances my way of being by ensuring I am fully present and attuned to the client’s needs.
However, a potential hindrance lies in my tendency to over-rely on verbal affirmations at the expense of silence. Silence can be a powerful tool in counselling, allowing clients space to process thoughts and emotions (Hill, 2004). My inclination to fill silences with words may inadvertently interrupt this process, potentially hindering therapeutic progress. To address this, I could cultivate the alternative behaviour of embracing therapeutic silence, using it intentionally to give clients room for reflection. Practising this during training sessions and seeking feedback from peers can help me become more comfortable with pauses. Indeed, developing this skill would likely strengthen my congruence and empathy, aligning more closely with the person-centred principles that underpin my approach.
Broader Implications for Professional Development
Beyond these specific behaviours, it is important to consider the broader implications of personal growth for professional practice in counselling. The process of identifying usefulness and hindrances in one’s way of being is not a one-time exercise but an ongoing journey of self-discovery. Academic literature consistently highlights that counsellors who engage in continuous self-reflection and professional development are better equipped to handle the complexities of therapeutic work (Skovholt and Rønnestad, 2003). Furthermore, organisations such as the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) emphasise the ethical imperative of self-care and reflective practice to prevent burnout and ensure client welfare (BACP, 2018).
Arguably, the alternative behaviours I have proposed—reflective journaling, mindful emotional expression, and embracing silence—require consistent effort and support to become ingrained habits. Participating in workshops, peer support groups, and regular supervision can provide the necessary resources to address these complex areas of development. By committing to these practices, I can not only enhance my personal way of being but also contribute to the wider field of counselling by modelling the importance of lifelong learning and adaptability.
Conclusion
In conclusion, this essay has explored the usefulness and hindrances of key behaviours—self-awareness, emotional regulation, and communication skills—in the context of my development as a counselling student. While these behaviours offer significant benefits, such as fostering empathy and building trust, they also present challenges, including risks of over-identification, emotional detachment, and disrupted therapeutic silence. By adopting alternative strategies like reflective journaling, mindful emotional expression, and intentional use of silence, I can mitigate these limitations and enhance my way of being as an authentic and effective practitioner. The implications of this reflection extend beyond personal growth, contributing to ethical practice and professional competence in line with the standards of the counselling field. Ultimately, this process underscores the importance of continuous self-evaluation and adaptability, ensuring I remain attuned to both my needs and those of my future clients.
References
- BACP (2018) Ethical Framework for the Counselling Professions. British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
- Egan, G. (2014) The Skilled Helper: A Problem-Management and Opportunity-Development Approach to Helping. 10th ed. Cengage Learning.
- Greenberg, L. S. (2002) Emotion-Focused Therapy: Coaching Clients to Work Through Their Feelings. American Psychological Association.
- Hayes, J. A. (2004) The Inner World of the Psychotherapist: A Program of Research on Countertransference. Psychotherapy Research, 14(1), pp. 21-36.
- Hill, C. E. (2004) Helping Skills: Facilitating Exploration, Insight, and Action. 2nd ed. American Psychological Association.
- Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994) Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life. Hyperion.
- Rogers, C. R. (1961) On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin.
- Skovholt, T. M. and Rønnestad, M. H. (2003) Struggles of the Novice Counselor and Therapist. Journal of Career Development, 30(1), pp. 45-58.
