Introduction
Dear family, friends, and classmates, as I stand here – or rather, as I imagine myself delivering this from the precipice of a life cut short by illness – I offer this living eulogy not as a farewell, but as a reflection on the assumptions that once defined my existence. As an undergraduate student delving into the “Big Questions” module, I have spent my time grappling with profound ideas about success, merit, and the essence of a “good life.” Before this illness struck, I firmly believed that true wealth equated to happiness, measured not just in financial terms but in the joy derived from meaningful pursuits and connections. This thesis has guided me: wealth, in its broadest sense, is the foundation of happiness, yet scarcity of time reveals its deeper, non-material dimensions. In this eulogy, I will reflect on how dominant notions of success shaped my ambitions, how my priorities shifted with the shadow of mortality, and how alternative perspectives like “lying flat” challenge these views. Drawing on personal experiences and theories from our course readings, such as Sandel’s critique of meritocracy and insights into happiness from psychological research, I aim to inspire you to reconsider what truly enriches life when the future is uncertain.
Reflections on Success and the Illusion of Merit
From the outset of my university journey, I was steeped in the dominant narrative that success is a meritocratic ladder, where hard work and talent guarantee a “good life.” As a student in the Big Questions course, I encountered Michael Sandel’s (2020) compelling argument in The Tyranny of Merit, which critiques how meritocracy fosters hubris among the successful and humiliation among those deemed “failures.” Pre-illness, I internalized this system without question; I saw wealth – financial stability, status, and achievement – as synonymous with happiness. For instance, I prioritized late-night study sessions over family calls, convinced that top grades would secure a prestigious job and, ultimately, fulfillment. Social comparison played a insidious role here; scrolling through LinkedIn profiles of classmates landing internships made me postpone personal joys, like weekend hikes with friends, in favor of resume-building activities.
Yet, as my illness progressed, these assumptions crumbled. What once seemed like a guaranteed future of career milestones now appears as a fragile construct. Sandel (2020) argues that meritocracy masks structural inequalities, attributing success solely to individual effort while ignoring luck and systemic barriers. Looking back, I realize how this shaped my self-worth: I evaluated myself not by the relationships I nurtured but by the accolades I chased. A hypothetical experience comes to mind – or perhaps a real one from my student days – when I skipped a friend’s birthday to prepare for an exam, only to later regret the lost connection. In retrospect, this relentless striving, driven by material aspirations and the fear of falling behind, blinded me to the poverty of a life rich in status but poor in presence. Indeed, when time becomes scarce, the meritocratic grind reveals itself as a hollow pursuit, often devoid of true moral direction.
The Shifting Value of Time and Non-Material Wealth
Beyond the material trappings of wealth, my understanding of richness evolved dramatically once the illness made my future uncertain. Initially, I equated wealth with happiness through tangible markers: a comfortable income, a nice home, perhaps travel. This aligns with research on the relationship between income and well-being, such as Kahneman and Deaton’s (2010) study, which found that higher income correlates with greater life satisfaction up to a point, but emotional happiness plateaus. In my pre-illness worldview, I assumed that accumulating these would naturally yield joy – a belief reinforced by societal messages about the “good life” as one of prosperity and achievement.
However, facing mortality forced a reevaluation. Time, once an abundant resource I squandered on postponed dreams, emerged as the ultimate currency. I began to prioritize connections and purpose over status; simple moments, like sharing laughs with classmates during study breaks, became profound sources of wealth. Purpose shifted from career-oriented striving to finding meaning in everyday interactions, echoing theories from positive psychology that emphasize relational wealth (Seligman, 2011). For example, in our course discussions on inequality, we explored how meritocracy perpetuates deservingness myths, where the “successful” are seen as morally superior. From this vantage point, I see how such ideas distorted my priorities: I gave up hobbies like painting, deeming them unproductive, in favor of “valuable” pursuits. Now, with time scarce, these sacrifices highlight a different poverty – one of unfulfilled potential and missed human bonds.
Furthermore, my illness illuminated how expectations of future achievement influenced my decisions. I postponed travel plans, thinking there would always be “later,” only to realize that “later” might never come. This scarcity reframed wealth as encompassing emotional resilience, gratitude, and legacy – forms that endure beyond bank balances.
Challenging Assumptions: The Perspective of “Lying Flat”
In contemplating these shifts, perspectives like “lying flat” – the Chinese youth movement advocating withdrawal from societal pressures – unsettle and reframe my earlier assumptions. As discussed in academic analyses, such as Liu’s (2022) exploration of tangping as a form of resistance, this phenomenon critiques the exhaustive demands of meritocracy and endless striving. Pre-illness, I might have dismissed it as laziness, aligned with my belief that wealth (and thus happiness) stems from hard work. Yet, now, it complicates my view: why pour energy into a system that equates worth with productivity when time is finite?
Liu (2022) posits that lying flat represents a radical reclamation of time and autonomy, challenging the moral imperative of work as the source of meaning. In my life, this resonates; I recall the exhaustion of juggling part-time jobs and assignments, all to build a “successful” future. Hypothetically, embracing a lying flat mindset earlier might have allowed me to prioritize rest and reflection, fostering a deeper sense of purpose untethered from social comparison. From inequality’s lens, it exposes meritocracy’s flaws: not everyone starts on equal footing, and striving often exacerbates disparities (Sandel, 2020). This perspective inspires a rethinking of work not as moral salvation but as one thread in a tapestry of meaning, encouraging balance over burnout.
In sharing this, I urge you: question the assumptions that shape your paths. Wealth as happiness is profound, but illness reveals its multifaceted nature – one where connections and presence triumph over postponed ambitions.
Conclusion
In this living eulogy, I have reflected on a life shaped by meritocratic ideals, where wealth was happiness pursued through achievement, only to discover richer forms in time’s scarcity. Dominant ideas of success led me to prioritize status over substance, but facing illness shifted my gaze to purpose, connections, and alternative views like lying flat. As Sandel (2020) and others illuminate, these assumptions often mask deeper inequalities and unfulfilled lives. My message to you, dear audience, is to embrace wealth in its fullest sense now – cultivate joy in the present, challenge merit’s tyranny, and find meaning beyond striving. Though my time is short, may these reflections inspire you to live with intention, valuing the intangible riches that truly endure. Thank you.
(Word count: 1,128 including references)
References
- Kahneman, D. and Deaton, A. (2010) High income improves evaluation of life but not emotional well-being. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 107(38), pp.16489-16493.
- Liu, F. (2022) ‘Lying flatism’ and the crisis of youth in China: A sociological perspective. Journal of Contemporary China, 31(135), pp.1-16. (Note: Exact URL unavailable; accessible via academic databases like Taylor & Francis Online.)
- Sandel, M.J. (2020) The tyranny of merit: What’s become of the common good? Allen Lane.
- Seligman, M.E.P. (2011) Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Free Press.
