Introduction
As a student studying stress management, understanding conflict styles is crucial because unresolved disagreements can significantly contribute to stress levels, affecting mental and physical health (Lazarus and Folkman, 1984). This essay explores three conflict styles—Withdrawal, Surrender, and Hostile Aggression—through fabricated dialogues based on a common roommate disagreement about shared cleaning responsibilities. The base conflict involves one roommate, Alex, feeling overwhelmed by the mess, while the other, Jordan, prioritises relaxation after work. By examining these styles in mini-dialogues and proposing distinct resolution methods, the essay demonstrates how improved communication can mitigate stress. The analysis draws on stress management principles to highlight practical skills for better conflict resolution, aiming to foster healthier interpersonal dynamics.
The Base Conflict and Dialogues
In stress management, conflicts like household disputes can escalate tension if handled poorly, leading to chronic stress (American Psychological Association, 2017). The following sections present three mini-dialogues using the same base disagreement, each labelled by conflict style.
Withdrawal Style
Alex: Jordan, the kitchen is a mess again—I’ve asked you to clean up after yourself.
Jordan: (Silence, then walks away to their room without responding).
Alex: Fine, whatever. I’ll just do it myself.
Jordan: (From the room) I don’t want to talk about this right now.
This dialogue illustrates Withdrawal, where Jordan physically and psychologically removes themselves from the conflict, avoiding confrontation, which can prevent immediate escalation but hinders resolution (Thomas, 1992).
Surrender Style
Alex: Jordan, the kitchen is a mess again—I’ve asked you to clean up after yourself.
Jordan: You’re right, Alex. I’ll clean it all up right now, even though I’m tired.
Alex: Good, because it’s not fair that I always have to remind you.
Jordan: Okay, sorry. I won’t let it happen again.
Here, Surrender is evident as Jordan immediately gives in to appease Alex, potentially damaging self-esteem and perpetuating unbalanced resolutions, a common stressor in relationships (Rahim, 2011).
Hostile Aggression Style
Alex: Jordan, the kitchen is a mess again—I’ve asked you to clean up after yourself.
Jordan: Why are you always nagging me? I work hard too, you know!
Alex: Don’t yell at me! You’re just lazy!
Jordan: Shut up! Clean it yourself if it bothers you so much!
This exchange shows Hostile Aggression, with both parties using verbal attacks to intimidate, often worsening resentment and stress without achieving mutual understanding (De Dreu and Weingart, 2003).
Conflict Resolution Methods and Communication Skills
Effective stress management involves applying targeted skills to resolve conflicts constructively. For each style, a different method is proposed, grounded in evidence-based approaches.
In the Withdrawal scenario, active listening could be utilised. This skill encourages the withdrawing party to re-engage by having both individuals paraphrase each other’s concerns, fostering empathy and reducing avoidance-induced stress. Research indicates that active listening decreases emotional distress during conflicts, promoting a “time-in” after cooling off (Rogers and Farson, 1957). Indeed, by validating feelings, such as Alex acknowledging Jordan’s fatigue, resolution becomes more collaborative, alleviating the psychological burden of unresolved issues.
For the Surrender style, assertiveness training is recommended. This involves teaching individuals to express needs without aggression or submission, using “I” statements like “I feel stressed when the kitchen is messy.” Studies show assertiveness reduces victimisation feelings and builds self-esteem, crucial for stress reduction in imbalanced relationships (Alberti and Emmons, 2001). Therefore, Jordan could practice this to negotiate fairly, ensuring decisions involve all parties and preventing resentment buildup.
In the Hostile Aggression case, emotional regulation techniques, such as deep breathing or pausing before responding, can de-escalate aggression. This method draws from cognitive-behavioural strategies in stress management, helping individuals manage anger and shift to rational dialogue (Beck, 2011). For instance, recognising triggers like fatigue could lead to calmer exchanges, breaking the cycle of resentment and lowering overall stress levels, as supported by meta-analyses on conflict interventions (De Dreu and Weingart, 2003).
Conclusion
This essay has illustrated Withdrawal, Surrender, and Hostile Aggression through dialogues on a roommate conflict, revealing how these styles can perpetuate stress. By proposing active listening, assertiveness training, and emotional regulation as distinct resolution methods, it underscores the importance of improved communication in stress management. Ultimately, adopting these skills can transform conflicts into opportunities for growth, reducing long-term stress and enhancing well-being. Further research into personalised conflict strategies could refine these approaches for diverse contexts.
References
- Alberti, R. and Emmons, M. (2001) Your perfect right: Assertiveness and equality in your life and relationships. 8th edn. Atascadero, CA: Impact Publishers.
- American Psychological Association (2017) Stress in America: The state of our nation. American Psychological Association.
- Beck, J.S. (2011) Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond. 2nd edn. New York: Guilford Press.
- De Dreu, C.K.W. and Weingart, L.R. (2003) ‘Task versus relationship conflict, team performance, and team member satisfaction: A meta-analysis’, Journal of Applied Psychology, 88(4), pp. 741-749.
- Lazarus, R.S. and Folkman, S. (1984) Stress, appraisal, and coping. New York: Springer Publishing Company.
- Rahim, M.A. (2011) Managing conflict in organizations. 4th edn. New Brunswick, NJ: Transaction Publishers.
- Rogers, C.R. and Farson, R.E. (1957) Active listening. Chicago: University of Chicago Industrial Relations Center.
- Thomas, K.W. (1992) ‘Conflict and conflict management: Reflections and update’, Journal of Organizational Behavior, 13(3), pp. 265-274.
